Nineteen years ago, I published a book on marriage at the request of people who had heard me
speak in church, at firesides, and at other church-related activities. Some of them were couples
I had counseled while serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a result of
those responsibilities, I began researching conference talks, scriptures, articles about marriage,
and books by professionals, to find the inspiration and guidance to assist them. Many people
asked me to put into writing the principles I had shared, so they could remember and review
them when they needed a reminder. Writing the book took me about two years, and I had a
thousand copies printed. I ran out of them fifteen years ago. I have had numerous requests for
copies since then but was unable to accommodate them. Last year, I set a goal to publish a
revised and updated version as an e-book so that it would be available to those who may
benefit from its principles. This new version reflects changes in church policies and procedures,
quotes from current Church leaders, insights from professionals, and experiences from my own
marriage, to enhance and clarify these principles. It will be instructive for members of The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but any marriage could benefit by applying its
principles. It also explains the principle of eternal marriage in detail and contains many quotes
and scriptures that clarify the steps needed to "become one." When these principles are
regularly applied in a marriage, they will ensure happiness and success. The title of the book,
"If Ye Are Not One Ye Are Not Mine," comes from a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 38:27.
According to the scripture, for a temple marriage to become eternal, we must "become one" in
every way. In the book, I use a recipe analogy to explain the need for proper ingredients in the
marriage relationship. If you leave ingredients out of a recipe, it will not turn out the same. For
instance, if you were baking a cake and left the eggs out, it will not rise. Likewise, in marriage,
leaving out key ingredients will affect your ability to become one. I identify these key
ingredients and clarify the differing roles of husbands and wives in the marriage covenant.
These ingredients include continued courtship, intimacy, priesthood leadership in the home,
family finances, and improving relationships, just to name a few. It is particularly helpful for
couples engaged to be married, those recently married, those experiencing challenges in their
marriage, or those who just need a marriage tune-up. Those I counseled, who were willing to
apply these principles, began to experience a oneness they had never known and their
marriages became their top priority. In order to get the most out of the book, couples should
read it together, and discuss how to incorporate the principles it contains. I can testify from
personal experience that they work. If this book helps even one couple improve their marriage,
it will have been worth the effort.
