FIND HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT THROUGH - RATHER THAN DESPITE - YOUR DIFFERENCES
Dr. James Creighton has worked with couples for decades, facilitating communication and conflict resolution and teaching them the tools to build healthy, happy relationships. He has found that many couples start out believing they like the same things, see people the same way, and share a united take on the world. But inevitably differences crop up, and it can be profoundly discouraging to find that one's partner sees a person, situation, or decision completely differently. Although many relationships flounder at this point, Creighton shows that this can actually be an opportunity to forge stronger ties. In Loving through Your Differences, he draws on the latest research in cognitive science and developmental psychology to show how we invent our realities with our perceptual minds. He then provides clear, concrete tools for shifting our perceptions and reframing our responses. The result moves couples out of the fear and alienation of "your way or my way" and into a deep understanding of the other that allows for an "our way." As Creighton shows, this way of being together, based on the reality of individuality rather than the illusion of sameness, sets the stage for long-term excitement, discovery, and fulfillment. Moves beyond Venus and Mars to show how couples, whether brand-new or married many years, can find happiness and fulfillment through - rather than despite - their differences In addition to working with couples, James L. Creighton, PhD, has conducted communication trainings, mediations, and conflict-resolution processes for universities, public schools, the Job Corps, Fortune 500 corporations, and government entities. He lives in Kihei, Hawaii.
Foreword (TK)
Part 1: OUR ROLE IN CREATING REALITY
Chapter 1: Whose Reality is Right?
Chapter 2: Making Sense
Chapter 3: Creating Reality
Chapter 4: Using Differences as Teachers
Part 2: SKILLS
Chapter 5: Response-Ability
Chapter 6: Responsible Communication
Chapter 7: Listening
Chapter 8: Escalation
Chapter 9: Mutual Problem Solving
Part 3: TOOLS/APPROACHES
Chapter 10: Conflicts over Values
Chapter 11: Reframing
Chapter 12: Reframing Your Life Story
Chapter 13: Self-Talk
Chapter 14: Who's the Me in This Conflict?
Chapter 15: The Value of Being Different
Chapter 16: A Closing Comment
Appendix 1: When You Need Help
Notes
Acknowledgements
Index About the Author "This jewel of a book - simple, clear, and profound - is packed with wisdom to help two separate people love wholeheartedly."
- Linda Carroll, MS, LMFT, BCC, psychotherapist and author of Love Cycles
"A highly readable and practical guide to handling differences gracefully. James Creighton coaches us on how to change the attitudes and behaviors that lead to conflict. He shows how, by responsibly negotiating through mutually satisfying guidelines, couples can cocreate successful, deeply fulfilling, loving relationships."
- Linda Bloom, coauthor of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married
"This book has a crucial role in people's lives - whether in a marital relationship, extended family, or close friendships. The most valuable insight is that you have a right to your emotional reality and that others have realities of their own. It is not a matter of 'right or wrong' but of listening with both your head and heart to reach understandings."
- Barry Mccarthy, coauthor of Enduring Desire
