Mad Comedy presents the ultimate collection of riotously funny new jokes. From America's top standup comics, these jokes are fresh from beer-soaked microphones of the hottest comedy clubs and are, guaranteed to make you laugh aloud.
The Discriminating Palate
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me your finest 19-year scotch."
The bartender figures the man won't know the difference, so he decides to trick the man with 5-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 19-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with a 10-year scotch.
The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don't want 10-year scotch like this filth. Give me 19-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 19-year scotch from the top shelf. The man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that's the good stuff."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking old drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and slurs, "Hey, I think that's really amazing what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits it out on the bar and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"
The drunk's eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, it is piss, now tell me how old I am!"
Sensitivity
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings.
But, it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media.
The Surprise Visitor
A man rings a doorbell and an eleven-year-old boy answers the door wearing a silk robe, smoking a blunt with a cloud of marijuana smoke swirling around his head, and with a glass of bourbon in one hand.
Taken aback, the man asks, "Is your mom home?"
"What do you think?" asks the boy.
